Kim Hyun Joong… [article] DARK MOMENTS

By: LazerKim             I’m posting this article today because it’s Saturday, maybe we can share some recollections of Kim Hyun Joong’s past on how he had been through while he was at the lime light of showbiz. We can share thoughts about him and think deeper, anyway it’s Saturday, no work today, no hassle of having to accomplish anything at work and fully rested.

Seeing Kim Hyun Joong for the first will give you an instant impression of having a strong personality, in such a way you’ll stare at him and appreciate everything you see in him through your naked eye. He’s a head turner, you won’t miss to have a second look at him having a perfectly handsome face. Just let him stand in a crowded room but you’ll never miss to have a look at him and say “who’s that handsome man”?.

Having to look at him for the first time gives you an impression he’s somebody from the upper class, from head to foot as you look at him as if you’re staring at a walking statue. But as he starts to talk, it also gives you an instant impression that he’s kind and gentle. And as you get to know him better, you start to realize, he’s funny, and very down to earth, which is quite the opposite of how you see his physical outlook.

And as you dig a bit dipper you’ll realize, he’s quite fun to be with. Until you discover his 4D personality that you wouldn’t expect for someone who’s born with perfect physique. You would love his adorable innocence of committing mistakes, even his clumsiness of admitting to his weakness

He’ll give you that impression that it’s always fun that he likes, everybody happy kinda thing. But do we know what really is inside him? No one knows, because he’ll keep it deeper in his heart and will never give it away. Hyun Joong is so good in keeping his emotions to himself, he will endure with what he feels inside him. But do we know what  he truly feels? No we don’t, because he never speaks about it, and we as a women reads in between the lines, reads through his eyes and understand what’s going on with him without telling us.

There are a lot of times in our lives we do experience heartaches, depression, pain  disappointment ect. And no matter how strong personality a person has, sometimes we’re bound to just breakdown, which I think is natural. Some would say, it takes an ounce of pain to endure, that would lead us to a better strength to carry on and face the challenges of life. Hyun Joong had displayed all his smile, all the laughter that we view over his video clips, and his strength being a public figure. But all of these were within the surface of him.

Remember when Hyun Joong cried at one of SS501 last concert, that he just broke down to tears? I really can’t forget how he cried that time, because as I was watching him, tears just fell from my eyes, that it felt as if he was alone that time. It’s like he has four members with him but he’s alone in his thoughts, he’s alone with what he truly feels. And being a leader he has to be strong, he has to fight back his emotions while he keeps his pain inside him.

And I didn’t have any idea what was that all about, but I strongly felt him, he was having problems that he kept for himself.  They said most people who are cheerful and jolly are the loneliest inside them. Whenever I review Hyun Joong’s  video clips, it’s his body language that I watch, since I already know what he was saying.

The guy is very sensitive but never showed it to anyone. In one talk show, he was relating that, he was alone when he was preparing for his first album, and he wants to go home just to be with somebody to breath on, but he’s quite awkward with his dad. And that’s really sad, when he needed a family because there were no friends around. I think that’s natural, if he doesn’t have friends to comfort him, he would like to turn on to his family that he couldn’t bring himself to be where there was peace.

You can just imagine he knows very well, some of his fans had turn their backs against him to the extent of accusing him about the break up of his group, and here he was in the midst of preparing for his dream album alone by himself with that thoughts about his fans. He was pretty scared to face all uncertainties by himself. But what did he do? He played soccer, that was his only outlet even at wee hours after his rehearsals. It seemed to me he doesn’t want to go home and be alone in his thoughts that time. But you know what? I know he’s still waiting for those fans, who had misjudged him, that’s why I wrote the article Waiting for You.

And when I read about Hyun Joong’s becoming less cheerful became an issue to his fans, I started reading his eyes, that he couldn’t look at the person who was interviewing him. I think it was their tour to US together with his members, he was somewhat aloof that time. The change in him was quite drastic, because when he was doing BOF he was so at home with F4 and the production staffs.

But when he came back to his members, it became apparent to me his was already having problems with his members. And then the controversy about their ex- president came out from the news in January 19, 2010, five months before his contract termination with DSP.  I read from somewhere he was angry with the media. Within the entire period of my research, that was the only event that I read Hyun Joong being angry.

If you can analyze how Hyun Joong’s dark moments started, in September 2009 Hyun Joong flew to Japan for BOF promotion with the F4, he was doing fine that time. He was caught by H1N1 and so stayed in Japan a bit longer, and came back to his members. In January 19, 2010 the controversy over the ex-president came, followed by the closure encore concert in Feb. 28, that was the time he broke down into tears, four months before his contract termination. I knew Hyun Joong wasn’t happy anymore and he already knew he has to leave the group. Something went wrong after he did BOF, but he never talked about it, he only mentioned he was already having problems with DSP which he opened up to his boss Bae Yong Joon.

Hyun Joong I think had the good year in 2009, since that was the start of his popularity boosting, 2010 I think was his worst year. Right from the start of the year 2010 he was caught in controversy, then at the middle of the year in June upon his contract termination even gotten worst as he took all the blames pertaining to the break up of SS501. It was too much to endure that he doesn’t know what more explanation he has to say to some of his fans, that he has a dream that he wants to fulfill. That he had already suffered and struggled when he was young, just for his dream.

Hyun Joong did Playful kiss which suffered low rating in Korea but rated good overseas and at YouTube. And when he started his preparation for his first album, he took everything seriously. Watching his video clips during his rehearsal, he can barely smile or if he did, it was because he was dancing. That rehearsal for Breakdown, the Artmatic captain even said to him he has to smile. You can see in him that he’s had been carrying his burden of anxiety.

I think he pushed himself too much, pour all his strength to his work at the same time fighting back the burden he carried on his shoulder. He had a burden of fear for doing what he has to do by himself and to face his fans for acceptance. He has to prove himself that he can stand on his feet and he has to prove he is worthy of his fans love and support. He wrote what he felt and read this letter to his fans in June 2011. I could only feel the pain he had been through as I listen to him reading his letter because by that time I was almost over with my research. Again, he controlled his emotions with all his strength, but still gave in nearly in tears, that I truly hope that will be the last time I’ll ever see him break down.

I think Hyun Joong started to smile in June 2011, because from there on, his chain of success started coming non stop till the beginning of 2012, everything just turned out rocket high on Hyun Joong that anything he touch turns to gold. His popularity snowballed and eventually gained support more than what he was expecting from his fans.

In every dark moments we experience in our lives, when we feel as if there’s no one there to comfort us with all the sadness of feeling alone. In every end of a tunnel there is light, there is hope and there is fulfillment. This was what Hyun Joong experienced when he was tested by fate on how much degree can he endure his trials. I have always believe that anything you work hard for, putting all your strength, perseverance and sincerity to achieve your goal, leads to success and there’s no reason to fail, for having done everything you can to achieve that goal.

I have been hesitant until now, to discuss that period when Hyun Joong decided to go solo. I’ve already read a lot of accusations from his other fans blaming him from here and there. I can’t help to think, when I first met Hyun Joong it was at BOF in 2009, I never got the chance to know him better, in fact as I mentioned in my other articles, I’ve known him to be Yoon Ji Hoo and I only time I knew his real name when he went to visit Tokyo with his boss in 2010. And maybe if I was then writing about him in 2009, I’ll probably get caught at the middle of fan clash!! Well, everything has it’s own time, and maybe this is the right time to get to know Hyun Joong better and write about him in a more loving way.

I first felt the love of his fans as MAMA conducted a poll voting, as Hyun Joong was one of the nominees at several categories. And I think this event marked a history in every Hyun Joong fans, I was glued to my monitor observing the movements at Twitter, as every fan including myself shared the effort in putting Hyun Joong up to the stage to receive an honorable award being the Best Male Artist for 2011. Hyun Joong never expected anything like this, since it’s his first venture as solo artist. And followed by numerous other awards from international prominent Awards, that was overwhelming for him after the dark moments he had in his career life, everything just turned out to be a success beyond anyone’s imagination.

Is Hyun Joong truly happy at this time? I would say, if you have met Hyun Joong only during the time of Breakdown, then he probably gave you all smiles and nothing less. For those who knew Hyun Joong from SS501, maybe you would say he was happier before because he was never short of cheerfulness in him personally. Well being a kid that time he was playful that you rarely see from him these days, and so I wrote the article Missing Kid because I truly miss those times.

You may think how could that be, if I only had met Hyun Joong at BOF 2009. But then if you research on a certain person and there’s nothing you can think of except that person, you would really feel you have grown with him. And that was what I experienced in meeting Hyun Joong during my research.

Maybe you’ll feel the same way in due time specially the new fans, if you would keep reading about Hyun Joong everyday, you’ll be able to feel how he grew up, as if you’re already a part of his growing. I know a lot of you has been doing a marathon reading, that’s exactly what I did when I was researching about him. The only difference is, everyday you get something to read. In my time I was so frustrated because there were minimal articles posted about him.

And so I want to fill up the internet with articles all about Hyun Joong and maybe a little about those people closest to him. If you notice in my articles, there are definite details that I kept repeating, it’s because I would like you to know Hyun Joong by heart and not just in passing, that can easily be forgotten.

Every time Hyun Joong is out there on his exposure, we try to absorb every single minute we watch on his video clips. He’ll be out within this day on his way to China, and surely it’s a good Saturday to spend our time watching him in China. And when he’s gone to his cocoon again, we reminisce those days he’s out there, we share the excitement and the aftermath. This period may be longer and I think this is the right time we get to know the guy better. Even in his past during the darkest moments of his career life, let’s share it with him and learn from it. And during the days he was playful, let’s share it with him as we cherish the good and funny feelings of yesterday.

Let him share with you what he had gone through in his hard times and in times of joy, and so by this way even he may be oceans away from us, even he couldn’t understand what we’re talking about here, our strength will be with him anywhere he is. Because we know Hyun Joong by heart and he will eventually feels it in due time.

There are lots more to know about Hyun Joong, I myself would like to know more, there are still a lot of questions ringing in my mind. But maybe in the right time he’ll be able to share those matters with us. Hyun Joong had barely started but he had accomplished a lot in a short period of time. There may be a lot more he has to face in the future and another dark moments in his career life. In moments that he’s down, it is us his fans can only raise him up again. If he stumbles down, we support him to get up in his feet again.

There will be more dark moments ahead……..but this time it wouldn’t matter anymore, because we are at his side now.      As Kim Hyun Joong gets his strength from us his loving fans…..

                                                                                  LazerKim here writing

Photo credits as tagged, thanks.


39 thoughts on “Kim Hyun Joong… [article] DARK MOMENTS

  1. i’ve read this article for i think 3x already, but now is the only time that i got the courage to share my thoughts and post my comment..

    reading this article makes me teary eyed, cry at times, it’s as if i can feel his pain that time.. showing his love to his fans who stayed with him, and feeling sad for those who have left and blamed him for something that he has no control of.. and even though he is in pain and hurting, he still managed to smile to the world and tell us that he is okay.. that everything is okay.. but deep in his thoughts he feels alone but still he share his best to all of us, even to those who criticizes and throw bad things at him, he still smile his lovely smile.. he shares the warmth of that smile to all of us.. the smile that brightens up our day..

    i do believe that we as human beings evolve in every aspect of our life.. we learn, we laugh, we cry, we became strong, we succeed.. some of us even changes our dreams as we got older.. but there are some of us that just want our idols to be the person we want and dream them to be and forget that they are also human. they have feelings, they have hopes and dreams, they want to succeed too in their own way.. if we truly love our idols and we are committed followers of them, whatever they would do, we will always support and love them unconditionally.. Kim Hyun Joong loves his fans so much, and if ever he falls and made a mistake and take a wrong turn, a reminder from us fans will always be considered by him and he will listen to us, like his siblings, like his family.. for a man to chose a path that some doesn’t believe in, for me is great and courageous.. and i salute you my Kim Hyun Joong, for i believe you will always choose a path that is righteous and the BEST.. even though i have known you for only awhile and learn about your from articles like these and following you through your activities, i believe deep in my heart that you are a good man.. a man who is compassionate and caring.. an honest man who loves life and always aims for success..

    i have heard this when i attended in a recollection and i believe i can also relate it here.. that a fan is different from a follower, because a fan might only be there for a while but leaves you when finds things not to their liking but a follower is committed, a follower will never leave you but stay with you through thick and thin and be there for you to support you and love you unconditionally, believe in you no matter what happens.. and will always listen to your heart’s desire, to your happiness..

    and i am your follower cause i am committed to you my Kim Hyun Joong.. no matter what happens i will always be wishing, praying and hoping complete happiness and success for you.. and i do wish that your smile now is purely happiness 🙂 deep within your heart and soul a complete happiness..

    Saranghe Oppa! God bless! Kim Hyun Joong Fighting!!!

  2. as we all have our own story to share abt Hyun Joong, we also have to acknowledge the ups and downs in life.. Hyun Joong has gone thru a lot of hardship in life to be where he is now…

    we as fans has to fully support our idols and wish him well…
    we have also learn a lot of lesson from KHJ… as he share with us…

    all i can wish for now is for him to continue his career and do well…
    be it in drama or as a singer..
    we can only wish him luck and stand by him..

    love ya

  3. I have watched KHJ’s shows/interviews over and over again and I’m never getting tired of it but the video where he reads his letter in his solo showcase after watching it the 1st time, I’ve never dared to watched it again not even once. I can’t take it. It hurts too much to see him hurting and fighting back the tears. I don’t actually know every detail of what happened with him and DSP but I know that he’s been hurt so much about it especially by the fact that people blame him and some fans turn their backs on him…Just looking at him while reading that letter, I feel like my heart is tearing into pieces. I hope and pray that he’s really okay deep inside. and I’m glad that after all that happened he’s still standing tall and fans continue to grow but I just hope that those new fans as well as the long time fans will continue to love him unconditionally and will stay with him through good and bad times because I’ll definitely be staying.

  4. As much as everyone else, I would like to understand the 2010 incident. Here is a link that really dug deep into the sad reason behind the incident and our KHJ was but a victim. Please ignore the writer what is important is the content which shows how it all started. It is nice to note that a coalition of fan clubs all over the world was formed at that time to help our Kim Hyun Joong. It is an interesting read to better understand that issue. Have a nice day!^^

  5. Thank you LazerKim for your time and for all your articles, this is a very sad article, but a true one and you just make it more clear and more understanding about who really is KHJ, (as in all your articles, I feel like I know KHJ like on a personal level, while reading) I just hope he will succeed in all and keep his smile. As to the disbanding of their group, maybe they’ve just reached the end, we may never really know what actually went there, only if one of them will disclose the truth.
    KHJ was serious about them, he just had the chance with BOF to take the better path of his life and to pursue his dream. There are ups and downs in one career I believe, but KHJ is at the begining of his solo career and he is going upwards. May the force of his loving fans be with him always. By the way you are using the most beautiful pictures of HJ:)

    • Those photos are my favorite his black short hair, knock me off my feet!!! And that’s why I do not change my wall design too. This image is very significant for me, this was his first smiles as soloist!!! Thank you for reading, and see you again!

  6. It’s actually good that lots of fans are this observant. ^^ I also noticed him being this way ever since he got so busy like a bee. But as I keep on looking for answers which thank God I got some, I finally got to understand why he suddenly became like this but I’d like to keep it for myself and maybe in time I’ll be sharing it with you guys. 😉 Just keep supporting our King! He’s way beyond from what we know. *wink*

  7. KHJ had to endure so much in his short period of life that cause of this he has been able to stay strong, but even the strongest rock has his weakness. I mentioned before that in the pass during the end of the group SS501 if you look at him you could see that he was suffering for something, but we just couldnt guess what it was we saw the tension but he always had to put a happy face for the public! Everytime I read or remember this or anything that has cause him pain it kills me cause we all know how much he work for his dreams! Yes his handsome, talented, smart but everything didnt nust drop out of the sky to his hand he had to work hard for it and still is working hard to prove not to the world but to himself that he made the right choice in following his dream! Nobody loves to be alone nevertheless depressed we all need that shoulder to cry, that helping hand to support you and give you the strenght and to cheer you up where you’re down! I can never imagine or won’t imagine of thinking in one day KhJ in that position again or never cause again it brakes my heart in million pieces! It’s important to be there for the ones you care in those dark moments and we need to supoort him! He maybe shining now but a true fans will stay beside him every moment of our life!

    Lazerkim he did it again there he goes making us crazy of excitment seeing more videos of him all over the internet at the airports and in Shanghai!

    • I was actually disappointed watching the video in Shanghai, but before he got in the fans were organized and they prepared well, i feel sorry because the streamers that they prepared was just put into the trash because the welcome ended up in a chaos. Although Hyun Joong was so cool and still manage to smile but it should have been a good welcome after preparing for so much.
      Well anyway I just hope it won’t happen again. The fans made an effort but they didn’t even give the chance to Hyun Joong to see what they prepared for him. Sigh……….we are all matured aren’t we?? Hey thanks again, I’m happy though after seeing Hyun Joong.

      • OMG yes that was completely unnecesary I was come girl I would be excited also but let him passed I think they would enjoy him more and let the other see him also if they kept a bit calmer and maybe they didnt had to run him out of that pack of wolfs! LOL! I think they forget that our actions reflects on our Idol! LOL he looked a bit scare but handsome as always! Oh btw hair color change again! This man is so gorgeous! Thanks for ur reply!

  8. I just came again to read others’ comments. Because I enjoy in reading them. I think all of them have read this article with teary eyes. It’s a relief now we have a place to share our sorrows thanks to Lazerkim.

    hi ks14, I was really upset after reading your comment, let’s share a hug for that. As Lazerkim have said let’s cheer HJ together now on.

    And thank you blueribbon for wishing me in exam.
    I’m so happy there are many friends for me now. For that I thank our lovable Hyun Joong.

  9. well. thank you! for me it’s the best article you wrote so far.
    i just learnt about KHJ in june 2010. when he just left DSP. i’m happy with that. i never wanna miss him again! as you mentioned the break-down moment from the tour, where he was crying.. omo, it’s just.. well, i remembered how i felt that day as i saw the video on youtube, later on DVD.. my heart was hurting so much. and right now, i cried again. just because i remembered.
    dear, please keep on writing! you’re always ligthen up my mood. ’cause right now, there are not much news about him. but it’s great to have your articles 🙂

  10. Yes,Lazer. 2010 was the worst year for his carrier life and was the same for me too.When he decided to leave DSP, many fans blamed him and he took all the blames by himself.My heart really ached that time by watching him being tired,sad and lonely but I couldn’t do anything for him.The tears came down from my eyes,I couldn’t stop them.Then PK suffered from low viewer ratings in Korea and the media criticized him badly.Hyun joong’s tired face on the shooting,I would never forget it.I cried so much and my heart was hurt.I can’t find the right words for my feelings at that time.As a result,I failed my exam for the first time in my life in 2010.I couldn’t study well because I was really sorry for hyun joong.
    Others will say that I am crazy or taking hyun joong as an excuse for my vain.But you know,I don’t regret being hj’s fan nor the fact I failed the exam.I just want to say 2010 was the worst year for hyun joon’s fans.We had to face the rough fan girl life and it remains as an unforgettable dark moment for hyun joong and his fans.But now,we all can smile by watching hyun joong’s smiling face.
    I have always been proud of being HJ’s fan.I will always by his side no matter what.

    • Oh no you were affected by the incident, poor girl, now I’m teary eyes again. Now don’t worry anymore, you were affected bcoz you had no one to share with your grief, now we’re all here and we’ll be helping each other, no matter what. Dark moments are just there but this time it will be easier for Hyun Joong bcoz he knows we’ll all be at his side, that will be easier for him. Oh I just wish I was there that time, for sure I’ll be a shoulder to cry on for you.
      Anyway cheer up Hyun Joong is out there, we’ll watch him together. Have a nice day. God bless.

      God bless

      • Thank you,lazer. I know that we,fans never let hyun joong to meet those dark moments again.Now hyun joong is on the top and enjoying his success.We all can smile proudly. Thank you again for trying to understand my feelings.
        Hyun joong is so cute today with his chubby cheeks.I like plump hyun joong more than slim hyun joong.
        God bless.See you again,Lazer.

  11. Dark moments overcome.We may not be able to cheer him up on those times but we certainly be by his side forever.He only need to keep that in mind.As a fan I can only reflect on what he is feeling.So when he is sad I worry.And when he is bright and happy I laugh w/ him.When he achieve something I congratulate him.So does all the fans feels the same way towards him..and so is today’s atmosphere as we’ve been feed with so many pics..and HJ looking good as ever~~^^happy meee….<3

    • Yes Yoon Jihoo is back!!! LOL….But seriously I do hope those fans who turned their backs would come back to him now that he had proven himself. This is just the essence of this article.
      We’ll get to see him soon……. for another episode of BOF…hahaha….happy us!!

      • I’m sure they are longed been back to HJ’s side feeling guilty~hee^^…and maybe even w/ tag along(s) too…

        HJ will be arriving soon in his destination.So more Jihoo sunbae streaming on site right after~haha..’can’t wait for fancams and your article tomorrow too~hee^^..see you:))..

  12. Hi bfanofkhj4ever, this comment is for you, Yesterday I read your comment below article”LUCKY ROOKIE” You have perfectly related HJ’s song titles into a sentence. most interesting part for me is how you have connected “because I’m Stupid” at the end. hahaha.

    • LOL.. *o*..
      Hello(annyeonghaseyo) ddkaumika
      … KHJ got that effect on me. It fit perfectly at the end cause if I forget to mention that songs OMG i had to stupid right.. nice you like it and notice that last part.. it was meant for a joke and you got it.. thank you(gamsahamnida)

  13. thanks to you LazerKim I got to know more about him. I feel sad as I was not able to be by his side those times. but I would definetly be there now on and hope he’ll not face such moments anymore.

    oh god I’m having a exam tomorrow, i wish they could ask things related to Hyun Joong.

    • HAHAHA….if I happen to be your professor I would surely ask everything about HyunJoong!! And I’ll give you an excellent grade!! Good Luck to your exams, do your best and God takes care of the rest…..Have a nice day!

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